Funny Translations

1. Er, Not in French!

petites bites

(The wife and the mistress finally meet! Aww.)


The word “bite” /beet/  in French means “dick”. You guess the rest.

2. Winter Illegal Substances…

revendeur de drogues

“Pusher” can be translated many ways…

Revendeur de drogues: drug dealer.

Revendeur de drogues de neige: snow drug dealer.

A correct translation could have been:  Pousse-neige

3. Travel Equipment. You know, for when you run short of money…


Attaque à main armée: armed robbery. You can now buy your very own, travel size.

(A correct translation could have been: tasse de voyage / gobelets de voyage / tasse portative )

4. Hungry? Get a kick in the …

pieds en derrière

So this sandwich board is telling the French people to alleviate their hunger by just getting a few “kicks in the rear” … Thanks, but not very helpful!

derrière means behind but also arse. Especially if proceeded by a preposition such as “en”. The correct translation should have been:

Juste à quelques pieds en arrière / derrière vous !

5. Weekly Insect

prenez l'insecte

This reads: “Take this week’s insect!”

Of course, they meant: Prenez le dépliant de la semaine!

6. Oops! (Surprise!)

pet surprise

Some products will make you happy, others will make you sad… then again, some will make you fart. Unexpectedly.

That’s what this says!

“Pet surprise”

pet: fart

anything -surprise: unexpected, accidental, fortuitous. Out of the blue.

A better wording could have been: animal jouet surprise  (Merci Mireille!)

I know. More words. But more sense too!

7. Wha…?

parce que vous avez

From reading only the French description, I have absolutely NO IDEA what this product is!


It may be that nobody will ever take a gunshot at your phone. But this could happen. Your mind will be at peace knowing that I am snuggly wound around your phone. I never sleep, I know that karaté and I will protect your little precious phone against daily life’s rigors. “

I’m not even trying to correct that. In my mind, I see something like a little worm or a super-ninja-caterpillar glued to my phone day and night. Thanks, but no thanks.

8. French People Are Apparently More Stupid


… or they drink too much wine.

9. Neat Instructions


I don’t know what this product is, but I want some!


1. Cop it

2. Insert

3. Have an orgasm!

10. Have a fit

crise moderne

Calvin Klein for difficult times…

crise: crisis

Faire une crise: to have a fit

A correct translation could have been: coupe moderne

11. Free The Worms!

les vers libres

In French:

“The sugar releases worms from Gummi.”

Wow. Glad to know.

(A better formula: Vers gélifiés sans sucre).

12. Terrible Instructions!

instructions horribles

Imagine someone who doesn’t read English:

“The machine cleans the common cold separately. Rough fall low. Only the decolorant of non-chlorine, when have needed of. Not do the iron over top of impregnation. Not do dry it while clean.”

Mama mia! That’s a full agenda! And here I only wanted to get this shirt clean…

13. Potato Abuse


This literally reads:

“Semi-automatic (rifle) for Pringles made out of bits”

Isn’t it a bit much?

14. Keep Your Hand Clean


Oubliez-vous: oublier means to forget, but s’oublier means to “have an accident” (if you know what I mean).

Opération: out of context, it always refers to a surgical operation.

So the sentence reads:

“Always let yourself go here during surgery! To watch out for your hand!”

My question is: Where are they assuming one’s hand to be?

15. Ah! Just In Time… IT Was Starting To Feel Too Hot!

deviennent un ventilateur

It says right there:

“They become a ventilator!”

Rejoignez-nous! / Devenez un supporteur / Encouragez-les / Devenez un fan would have done the job fine.

16. Guy’s Dream Bra

je suis cabriolet

“I am convertible car!”

Yeah right. And I’m the Pope.

Je suis ajustable / Je suis transformable  would be more accurate.

17. Yuk!

creme glacée pleine de pépi

I don’t know what the original intent was. Because surely, it couldn’t have been:

“PC Ice-cream full of piss”

18. Each One His Taste

saveur de Canadienne

This product – whatever it is –  is not only lactose free but also is perfumed with

Canadian Woman Flavour!

Saveur canadienne would have sufficed.

19. Even on a leash!

accès interdit

Tenus en laisse : on a leash

I didn’t know you could do that to vehicles!

20. Too Much Information

nous baisons

Baiser (verb) doesn’t mean to kiss, it means more. This label says:

“We have sex when we are close”

A better translation would have been:

On s’embrasse en se rapprochant.

Did you like this?

Find more funny translations here:



Petit petit

Traductions de merde

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7 thoughts on “Funny Translations

  1. Surely #17 looks like the label hit a character limit and the rest was truncated. The label should have read something like “pleine de pépites de chocolat” (full of chocolate chips).

  2. Oh, thank you SO much. More warnings against uninformed use of Google Translate et al. I’m still wiping my eyes from laughing.

  3. Very funny indeed! Just one mistake in your translation : #6 isn’t a pet’s toy, it’s a toy for kids! It says “contains a surprise toy, candies and stickers”, “age 3+” and “collectable” so unless you have a 3+ pet that eats candies, plays with stickers and enjoys collectables, I would think that it is more a surprise toy for kids! So the proper translation would be something like “animal jouet surprise”… :-)

  4. Pingback: Link graveyard (lots of French) « Niles's Blog

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