1. Er, Not in French!
(The wife and the mistress finally meet! Aww.)
The word “bite” /beet/ in French means “dick”. You guess the rest.
2. Winter Illegal Substances…
“Pusher” can be translated many ways…
Revendeur de drogues: drug dealer.
Revendeur de drogues de neige: snow drug dealer.
A correct translation could have been: Pousse-neige
3. Travel Equipment. You know, for when you run short of money…
Attaque à main armée: armed robbery. You can now buy your very own, travel size.
(A correct translation could have been: tasse de voyage / gobelets de voyage / tasse portative )
4. Hungry? Get a kick in the …
So this sandwich board is telling the French people to alleviate their hunger by just getting a few “kicks in the rear” … Thanks, but not very helpful!
derrière means behind but also arse. Especially if proceeded by a preposition such as “en”. The correct translation should have been:
Juste à quelques pieds en arrière / derrière vous !
5. Weekly Insect
This reads: “Take this week’s insect!”
Of course, they meant: Prenez le dépliant de la semaine!
6. Oops! (Surprise!)
Some products will make you happy, others will make you sad… then again, some will make you fart. Unexpectedly.
That’s what this says!
anything -surprise: unexpected, accidental, fortuitous. Out of the blue.
A better wording could have been: animal jouet surprise (Merci Mireille!)
I know. More words. But more sense too!
From reading only the French description, I have absolutely NO IDEA what this product is!
“BECAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE SOMEHANDS FROM ROOM TWO
It may be that nobody will ever take a gunshot at your phone. But this could happen. Your mind will be at peace knowing that I am snuggly wound around your phone. I never sleep, I know that karaté and I will protect your little precious phone against daily life’s rigors. “
I’m not even trying to correct that. In my mind, I see something like a little worm or a super-ninja-caterpillar glued to my phone day and night. Thanks, but no thanks.
8. French People Are Apparently More Stupid
… or they drink too much wine.
9. Neat Instructions
I don’t know what this product is, but I want some!
1. Cop it
3. Have an orgasm!
10. Have a fit
Calvin Klein for difficult times…
Faire une crise: to have a fit
A correct translation could have been: coupe moderne
11. Free The Worms!
“The sugar releases worms from Gummi.”
Wow. Glad to know.
(A better formula: Vers gélifiés sans sucre).
12. Terrible Instructions!
Imagine someone who doesn’t read English:
“The machine cleans the common cold separately. Rough fall low. Only the decolorant of non-chlorine, when have needed of. Not do the iron over top of impregnation. Not do dry it while clean.”
Mama mia! That’s a full agenda! And here I only wanted to get this shirt clean…
13. Potato Abuse
This literally reads:
“Semi-automatic (rifle) for Pringles made out of bits”
Isn’t it a bit much?
14. Keep Your Hand Clean
Oubliez-vous: oublier means to forget, but s’oublier means to “have an accident” (if you know what I mean).
Opération: out of context, it always refers to a surgical operation.
So the sentence reads:
“Always let yourself go here during surgery! To watch out for your hand!”
My question is: Where are they assuming one’s hand to be?
15. Ah! Just In Time… IT Was Starting To Feel Too Hot!
It says right there:
“They become a ventilator!”
Rejoignez-nous! / Devenez un supporteur / Encouragez-les / Devenez un fan would have done the job fine.
16. Guy’s Dream Bra
“I am convertible car!”
Yeah right. And I’m the Pope.
Je suis ajustable / Je suis transformable would be more accurate.
I don’t know what the original intent was. Because surely, it couldn’t have been:
“PC Ice-cream full of piss”
18. Each One His Taste
This product – whatever it is – is not only lactose free but also is perfumed with
Canadian Woman Flavour!
Saveur canadienne would have sufficed.
19. Even on a leash!
Tenus en laisse : on a leash
I didn’t know you could do that to vehicles!
20. Too Much Information
Baiser (verb) doesn’t mean to kiss, it means more. This label says:
“We have sex when we are close”
A better translation would have been:
On s’embrasse en se rapprochant.
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